It may sound like the heading to a spam e-mail, but it’s not. It just might be the most brilliant horror script I’ve read in a while.
A few months ago, my buddy Geoff Klein (a horror movie devotee and long-time partner-in-crime of mine on various film projects) teamed-up with his friend Jeff Ross to write and produce this independent horror film. I was lucky enough to be asked to be a Script Editor on the project. Basically, it means that I read each draft of the script and give notes, advice, and constructive criticism on how I think it could be improved. It didn’t take me long to get hooked on the project.
The film’s basic storyline goes something like this: When a bus-load of women’s college soccer players get stranded on their way to a bikini car-wash fundraiser, they decide to set-up shop in front of an abandoned gas station on the edge of town. Little do they know the place is the stalking-grounds for a homicidal maniac mechanic named Moe.
Sounds like fun, huh?
Now you might be asking “That’s it? Where’s the big twist ending? Where’s the diabolical evil genius? It’s just bikini girls and a guy named Moe?”. Yep, that’s it. What you see is what you get. And that’s why it’s brilliant.
With today’s horror movie landscape cluttered with ill-conceived remakes and storyless torture-porn flics, Bikini Girls on Ice is a refreshing throwback to the good-old days of classic slasher movies. You know the kind. Back when adolescent boys got their kicks by watching half-naked women run from a brutal stalker (usually wet in the rain), and when the girls in the audience felt satisfied after the sex-obsessed bimbos got punished for their sins (while the “good girl” heroine usually made it out alive). Ahhh… good times.
While modern studios keep trying to satisfy the needs of the attention-deficit generation by sacrificing story for ever-increasing extreme brutality, they seem to be losing sight of one important fact: as sick as they might be, horror movies are actually supposed to be entertaining. There was a time not too long ago when horror movies were actually pretty good “date movies”. It gave the girl a reason to lean-in close to her guy, and it gave him an excuse to slide an arm around her. Maybe even “accidentally” touch a boobie. Who knows?
But nowadays a guy can’t take a girl to see a horror movie without worrying if the sight of an innocent girl being gang-raped by blood-thirsty mutants might actually turn her off forever. At the very least, it’ll ruin his chances of gettin’ any good stuff that night.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a good, splatter and gore-fest as much as the next guy. But the horror genre needs some balance. For all the torture and brutality, someone has to inject some fun back into the mix. And that’s why Bikini Girls on Ice is so damn good. Just pretty girls, some bikinis, a madman named Moe, and a whole helluva’ lot of fun.
So if you like horror movies like I do, and are looking for a good time, be sure to keep an eye out for Biking Girls on Ice at the film’s official website here. Like the tagline says: “These girls are so hot, they need to be put on ice!”
Keep up the good work, Geoff. I’m proud to be part of this project.